Too Similar Tuesday - Suspicious Minds Edition

YO! DO YOU LIKE ELVIS? No? Oh... Well, do you like covers of Elvis tracks? Well, OK strictly speaking Suspicious Minds wasn't originally an Elvis tune, but it basically is.

Dude, say what you will about Elvis, maybe you think he's a no talent thief, I dunno. But just look at this guy, you can't tell me he isn't putting in work. Especially after the half way mark of the video there, the man is sweating for you. What even are these dance moves? He is a first ballot hall of famer for the awkward/just plain weird white people dancing hall of fame, along with Emily Haines and probably Julian Casablancas. If I tried one of these moves I would loose all credibility with the latin community, and brother, I'm already on thin ice with them because of all the Taco Bell I eat.

Anyways, let's compare stuff.

Two different acts. One song. A vague and unclear criteria for judging which is better.


Dwight Yoakam (1992)

Fine Young Cannibals (1985)


Dance Moves

Who has the sweetest moves out of the two of these acts? Well, I'll give you a hint, it's the one that isn't Dwight Yoakam. To say he dances is very generous, and probably a disservice to the word 'dance'.  He does a lot of leg jiggling, I suspect it's to show off his legs. Them jeans is TIGHT.

 Not a dance, he just literally can't move any more than this.

Not a dance, he just literally can't move any more than this.

 No really, he can't move.

No really, he can't move.

It's not like Fine Young Cannibals are doing anything great with dance either though. The frontman is basically doing some Rick Astley level shizz. But oh my goodness, we need to talk about the band. While Roland Gift is crooning and spinning around, frankly, like a jackass. His two boys are in the back doing some straight up futuristic flamingo(?) bullshit.

 We're caught in a trap

We're caught in a trap

 We can't walk out

We can't walk out



Point to FYC, basically by default. Y'all need to learn to dance.


FYC 1 Dwight Yoakam 0



You saw that Elvis video, clearly he put a lot more effort into his clothes than he did into his seizure-like dance moves. Or at least someone did. I dunno, maybe Priscilla? What's she up to these days? I hope she's doing good. I worry about her.

I think this battle is going to be tight, Yoakam pulls out his showstopper piece right at the begining with a pretty cherry white sequined jacket and some handsome tanned chaps. What a look! 

The Cannibal crew counters with even more sequins.

How many sequins are you boys wearing?

The ill-fitting 80's powersuits are frankly disgusting. Point Yoakam.


FYC 1 Dwight Yoakam 1


Music Video Concept


This is where the war is won for our valiant warrior poets. Dwight comes on strong with this jackass wearing bike shorts and cowboy boots.

I just want to slap him with a half thawed fish. But like a big one. You know?

 'I made some real bad career choices'

'I made some real bad career choices'

And he's also got a kinda hot blonde girl chained up. I dunno what that even means, whoever directed this was a genius.

 Probably a genius

Probably a genius

Fine Young Cannibals kept things simple, and elegant. Opting for a black and white look that hearkens back to the early days of Elvis, then wham-o you got colour! Like in Pleasantville, a movie I haven't seen. Nobody spoil it for me please.

Gotta give the points to the Cannibals, because nothing they could do in their video is worse than the guy in bike shorts and cowboy boots. He's the worst thing ever.


FYC 2 Dwight Yoakam 1




Yoakams last chance to salvage a draw from this matchup comes in the category of 'lensflares' once used effectively by Danny Boyle in Sunshine now it's most associated with JJ Abrams, a guy who I'm not even sure is a good director. Like, what is his best movie? Nobody's favourite director is JJ Abrams, I don't have high hopes for Star Wars.

To be honest, lensflare technology just wasn't where it needed to be in 1985, we get a lot of spot colouring with the lensflares, which is cool and all, but it's not pushed to the extreme like Yoakam is able to do.

Look at him, like a tight jeaned beacon of light against the uncertainty of forever.


FYC 2 Dwight Yoakam 2



It was always going to be Gareth Gates, wasn't it?


Joe Menjivar recently fell on some ice and could really use a massage, in case any of you do that.