Old Media is Dead's 5 Sexiest Games Characters.

The Long Block - Tetris

 Get it girl.

Get it girl.

With it's supermodel proportions, this classic beauty has been inspiring lust in the hearts of young gamers since 1984. If you like your blocks long and lean then there is only one tetromino for you. While others may prefer the versatility of the L block, or the yeomanlike square, neither has the raw sexual appeal of the long block. 

 

Birdo - Mario 2

 DAAAAAAAAAAAMN.

DAAAAAAAAAAAMN.

Three letters come to mind with Birdo: DSL, and we ain't talkin' internet. With those long eyelashes and jaunty bow, few can resist Birdo's charms. Shooting out eggs since 1988, Birdo may not be as flashy as Yoshi, but I think we can all agree that much like Shakira's hips, Birdo's lips don't lie.

 

Paarthurnax - The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

 Long hair don't care.

Long hair don't care.

For those looking to inject some old world sophistication into their life, there is no bigger sex symbol than Paarthurnax! This silver fox has been bringing the ladies (and men!) to their knees since the Merethic era, where he served as Alduin's lieutenant in the Dragon War. This stud was too hot to handle in his days of youth, but has really softened as he's entered middle age, preferring a nice roaring fire to the screams of his enemies, and the lamentations of their women.

 

Tingle - The Legend of Zelda: Majora's  Mask

 Dat ass.

Dat ass.

Sometimes you find yourself in the wrong part of town. Sometimes you're just looking for a little strange. 

I don't know anything about Zelda, I've never played through any of the games. I just know Tingle, and I know how he makes me feel.

 

Teddie/Kuma - Persona 4

 OOOOOH GURL

OOOOOH GURL

If you're looking for a bad boy, you won't find him here. Teddie is the kind of bear you can take home to your parents. Still he has his mischievous side, and can be a real tiger in the bedroom, which is funny because he's a bear. I'm really nailing this whole humour thing. You'll be feeling bear-y sorry if you turn down this blue ball of love.


Mr. Butts is the Senior Waifu editor for Old Media is Dead.