OK, back for the second half of these wonderful sweet boys. I'm so exhausted.
Part one is HERE
James F.
Age: 34
Occupation: Boxing Club Owner
Height: 6’2”
Tattoos: Right shoulder, left bicep, one on my back. All are being lasered off.
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? Somewhere between the wingman and the laid back one
What are your three best attributes? My drive/desire to succeed, ability to make strangers feel welcome at my place of work, positive attitude
All-time favorite movies: A River Runs Through It, Gladiator, Les Miserables
What’s the most embarrassing style you’ve rocked? Buzz cut with big bangs up front – ridiculous.
What does being married mean to you? Life-long commitment. I see it as a huge, huge deal. Too many divorces are happening. I would love to have the marriage my parents have.
Do you follow a specific diet? Yes, carb cycling.
What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? Left the safety of chiropractic to pursue my fitness and acting dreams.
Who is the person you love most in the world and why? My sister’s kids – sometimes I feel like my heart could burst around them.
What is your all-time favorite book and why? Besides the Bible (since that seems cliché!), I liked The Circle series by Ted Dekker, or Wizard’s First Rule. Both create such vivid battle scenes you can almost smell the environment.
The fact he's getting all his tattoos removed tells me something. I'm not sure if it's good or bad, but it's definitely a statement. Maybe he's a skinhead and all his tattoos are swastika's and nazi eagles.
Two main points of concern for me are his desire to pursue his 'acting dreams' and his love of books that are definitely about wizards. I knew a guy in high school who was really into a series of books starring a guy called Tasselhoff, I don't know if he was a wizard, but I feel like he at least knew a wizard. I dunno, he was an OK guy, but I wouldn't want my daughter dating him.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: 48%, but a 100% chance he calls his wiener his wizards staff.
James S
Age: 27
Occupation: Bachelor Superfan
Height: 6’1”
Tattoos: One
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? I’ve been all three, but if I had to choose one consistently, it’d be wingman.
What are your three best attributes? Loyalty, sense of humor/wit, intelligent
All-time favorite movies: Good Will Hunting, The Notebook, Top Gun
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why? Yes, very much so. I’ve been intimate with very few women because I think sex is very important and not to be taken lightly. Never had a one-night stand or any intimacy with anyone I haven’t gotten to know for a while.
Meatloaf said he would “do anything for love, but he won’t do that.” What will you not do? Go to a sushi restaurant and be forced to eat fish. I hate it.
If you could be any superhero, which one would you be and why? Duh, Superman! He can’t die and there’s no such thing as Kryptonite on Earth, so I’d be set.
I love it when my date…: Doesn’t attempt to pay for the bill. Two things women shouldn’t touch on a date: the door and the bill.
What’s the closet you have every come to being married? It was to my girlfriend of seven years. We talked about a ring and family, but she couldn’t bring herself to move.
This guy looks like he really likes golf, and I don't mean that as any sort of compliment.
Lists his occupation as 'Bachelor Superfan' which is definitely not an acceptable career option, trust me, I'm spending so much time writing this and receiving zero compensation. This guy is just unemployed but too proud to admit it.
Has 'been intimate' with 'very few women'. It's because he's unemployed. Or because he hate's sushi. I definitely had sushi last night for dinner, and I definitely did not have sex, so yeah, maybe I don't actually know anything about what makes a good stickman.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: 79%
James Taylor
Age: 29
Occupation: Singer-Songwriter
Height: 6’2”
Tattoos: Yes, American flag and eagle on my left arm/shoulder.
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? Party-starter all day!
What are your three best attributes? Funny, outgoing, kind
All-time favorite movies: Braveheart, Gladiator, Wedding Crashers
If you could be anyone else for just one day, who would it be and why? Michael Jordan – just to know what true greatness feels like.
What is your favorite flower? Red rose…Duh!
If you were stranded on a desert island, what 3 things would you bring with you? And what, under any circumstance, could you not tolerate on that island? Umbrella, cold beer (unlimited supply, of course), and a beautiful woman. I think I could tolerate just about anything under those conditions!
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why? Absolutely. Love making a girl smile. I get it from my daddy!
If you could do/have any job in the world, what would it be and why? Starting NFL QB. How much fun/pressure would that be? Hero one week and hated the next… Love that pressure.
OK, so I do a little preparation for these things, and last week I asked a young woman who may wish to remain anonymous, but actually I could probably just name her because I guarantee she wont ever read this, I think she finds me less than amusing. Anyways, I asked her if she liked any of the contestant bro's, she picked JAMES TAYLOR. Ugh.
Two things about this man make him irredeemable in my eyes. The first; he's using his full name, not James T, James Taylor. Poor James F and James S just get one damned letter and James Taylor is flaunting what a giant piece of crap he is. I feel like he's using it as a way to get his name out there to further his musical career. Definitely not here for the right reasons. The second objectionable thing about this guy; he has bad tattoos. That's more than enough for me to start a blood feud. I'm a very unreasonable man.
Oh man, I didn't even mention his red hair. So much to hate here.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: 99% I'm fairly certain this guy is slingin' dong like, once an hour.
Jonathan
Age: 29
Occupation: Technical Sales Rep
Height: 6’1”
Tattoos: Yes, my grandma on my inner arm and a tiger and Asian artwork on my left shoulder.
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? I’d say the party starter. I really like to dance, especially when I have had a few drinks.
What are your three best attributes? Sense of humor, calm demeanor, and my hair
All-time favorite movies: Forrest Gump, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Toy Story 3
If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? I would be someone incredibly poor in a third world country to see what it’s like and appreciate what I have.
Gluten? I don’t think that’s a real allergy.
Who is your favorite author? J.D. Salinger or R.L. Stine
What is your greatest achievement to date? Buying my own home and completing the renovations myself.
I love it when my date…: Pretends to reach for the bill. We appreciate the effort!
What foods do you most dislike? Pretty much all vegetables. I eat like a 12 year old.
Damn Jonathan. Damn.
Your hair isn't even that fly, you've backed the wrong horse here. Also, that shirt is a war crime. I think it's pretty icky that he wants to experience poverty for a day just to see what it's like? It's terrible, how about that? Maybe instead you can go and give to a charity, or spend time at a soup kitchen or something. You're a turd.
Bad choices for his favourite authors. I really wanted to like him, out of some kind of misguided minority solidarity, but this guy is a fart bag.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: 100% it's called every picture of him, cause he's a dick. OOOOOOOOOOH SICK BURN. And then everyone thought I was really funny and all the girls threw their bras at me because of that sick burn
Jordan
Age: 27
Occupation: Former Pro Quarterback
Height: 6’2”
Tattoos: No
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? 1A: Wingman, 1B: Party starter
What are your three best attributes? Humor, energy, empathy
All-time favorite movies: Gladiator, Wedding Crashers, Princess Bride
Do you have any phobias that would prohibit your participation in certain activities? I have a fear of heights, but I’ve been skydiving and I love challenging my fears. Bring it on!
What’s the wildest thing you’ve done in the bedroom? Try to hang a TV on the wall without directions or a stud finder.
If you could do/have any job in the world, what would it be and why? Food Critic, so I could eat at all the best places all the time.
Who is your favorite actor & why? Vince Vaughn, unbelievable monologues.
I love it when my date…: Wants to do something spontaneous.
I hate it when my date…: Doesn’t want to eat in front of me.
Who do you admire most in the world and why? My grandparents. They broke the mold after their generation. They are the most loving people and best example of love and selflessness.
Anytime you put 'former' in your job title, it tells me you don't have an actual job, you're unemployed.
His hair looks like he put it on at the last minute while running out of his house, not on his way to work, because he doesn't have a job. How many guys on this roster love Gladiator? It was on OK movie, but it wasn't THAT GOOD. The fact that Vince Vaughn is his favourite actor is a real red flag. This is a man with no taste.
I did a little research on this guy, and found out his brother is actual successful NFL quarterback Aaron Rodgers. It must really suck to be Jordan, his brother has won a Super Bowl and get's to date Olivia Munn, Jordan meanwhile, played for the B.C. Lions and is on the Bachelorette. That's rough.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: 100% because he wanted to be more like Brett Favre, and we've all seen his hog.
Luke
Age: 31
Occupation: War Veteran
Height: 6’1”
Tattoos: No
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? Party starter!
What are your three best attributes? Competence, patience, empathy for others
All-time favorite movies: Lonesome Dove, Forrest Gump, Step Brothers
Meatloaf said he would “do anything for love, but he won’t do that.” What will you not do? I’ll do anything for love. I’m a trooper/team player.
If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why? Mark Cuban, because I want to know what he thinks made him successful.
If you could be any superhero, which one would you be and why? Superman, because he’s got swag and powers.
I hate it when my date…: Talks about an ex, can’t make up her mind, or name drops.
If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? POTUS, just to know the context of being the leader of the free world.
What does being married mean to you? It means two people who consider themselves best friends, lovers and soulmates, decide to take on life together and build a life and family of their own.
Luke is a vet, so I'm not going to dump all over him. I will say, he is smizing so hard.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: 50%
Nick B
Age: 33
Occupation: Electrical Engineer
Height: 6’1”
Tattoos: No
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? The party starter.
What are your three best attributes? Passionate, intuitive, athletic
All-time favorite movies: Braveheart, Gladiator & Saving Private Ryan
If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? I would be the woman I want to marry so I could find out what’s in her head. Plus, I’m pretty sure I could only last a day being inside a woman’s head. :)
What is your greatest achievement to date? Making the Classic Eagles rugby team while continuing to advance my own career.
What is your favorite magazine? Ducks Unlimited.
What is the most romantic present you have ever received and why? I don’t think I’ve ever received a romantic present -- and I’m not sure why.
How would you describe yourself as a lover? Eager to please.
What’s your favorite flower? The red roses I’ll receive from the Bachelorette!
I hate Gladiator more and more with every BachBro that cites it as this favourite movie. F you, Russell Crowe.
Nick B looks like a toe.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: 89% I know some electricians, and they're a real penis picture taking bunch of guys.
Nick S
Age: 26
Occupation: Software Salesman
Height: 6’1”
Tattoos: None
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? All three? I enjoy assuming any role.
What are your three best attributes? Transparent, empathetic, adaptable
All-time favorite movies: The Sandlot, Braveheart, Catch Me If You Can
What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? Chased a mountain lion.
What foods do you most dislike? Scary cheeses
If you could do/have any job in the world, what would it be and why? Don Draper? James Bond? They kill it…
What is your greatest achievement to date? Eagle Scout
What are the top 3 things on your bucket list? Visit every national park, sail around the world, and run a ranch and tomato farm.
Do you plan on having kids someday? If yes, how many and why? Yes. As many as possible! I've always wanted to be a dad.
Oh no, is that a kerchief?
Just a heads up in case anyone doesn't know. Don Draper and James Bond are literally not jobs, now, if this guys dream job is actually just drinking and sex then I also have bad news, because I don't think that's a job either.
He's dressed like he's in a porn parody of something, but nobody ever gets naked or has intercourse, ever. You know what I mean?
That neckerchief tho.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: 94%
Peter
Age: 26
Occupation: Staffing Agency Manager
Height: 5’11”
Tattoos: No, but I am going this week to get a cardinal for my grandpa.
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? Party starter/wing man
What are your three best attributes? Energy, personality, curiosity
All-time favorite movies: Dumb and Dumber, Limitless, The Departed
What’s your most embarrassing moment? My pants fell down in a football game.
Do you consider yourself a good cook? Oooooooh, yeah!
What’s your greatest achievement to date? Getting promoted at every job.
If you could live in any other time period, what would it be and why? Mesozoic Era, so I could see dinosaurs.
What’s the most embarrassing style you’ve rocked? Sk8er boi. I also went through a pretty ‘thuggish’ stage.
Describe your idea of the ultimate date: Doing something active, something where we have to communicate or explore something new. Scuba diving in Australia or Fiji has always been a dream of mine, then dinner on a beach.
He's been promoted at every job, which sounds impressive. I've never been promoted. I've been laid off, I've definitely done that one. I guess that's almost the opposite of a promotion
This fool thinks he could hang with dinosaurs? I hope he's eaten by an animal much smaller than a dinosaur. I'm so mad at this guy. Does he have a mustache? What is going on with his facial hair?
Probability he's sent a dick pic: 73.6% Those promotions had to come from somewhere.
Robby
Age: 27
Occupation: Former Competitive Swimmer
Height: 6’1”
Tattoos: NONE!
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? Versatile. I can play all three roles but can thrive as the party starter.
What are your three best attributes? Motivated, handsome, genuine
All-time favorite movies: Man on Fire, The Wolf of Wall Street, Interstellar
If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why? My grandfather on my mom’s side who I never had the chance to meet. My mom speaks so highly of him and tells me we are extremely similar in the men we grew to become.
Are you comfortable wearing swimwear in public? Yes, I have spent more of my life in a Speedo than in everyday clothes! #swimmerproblems
What is your favorite flower? Honeysuckle – delicious!
Do you like to dress up or do you prefer casual attire as a rule? I love more than anything to dress up!
Do you plan on having kids someday? If yes, how many and why? Yes!! And hopefully soon! 3 … 4 … 5 … whatever my future wife and I are comfortable with. But coming from a large family, there’s no chance we stop at two!
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why? Hopeless romantic. Because there is nothing more satisfying than a genuine, big smile from the girl you would give the world to.
Another unemployed guy.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: 32%
Sal
Age: 28
Occupation: Operations Manager
Height: 6’2”
Tattoos: None
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? It depends on the crowd and who I am with.
What are your three best attributes? Humor, dependability, truthful
All-time favorite movies: Jaws, Rocky, Real Steel
What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? I egged a gym teacher’s house when I was in high school.
If you were stranded on a desert island, what 3 things would you bring with you? And what, under any circumstance, could you not tolerate on that island? Cell phone, gun, portable air conditioner. No Kardashians on the island.
Do you have a serious fear of any kind of animal? Snakes.
What’s the most embarrassing style you’ve rocked? A bowl cut as a kid.
If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why? Probably to fly, so I could beat traffic.
Good luck getting cell phone reception on that desert island. Dammit, Sal.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: 84%
Vinny
Age: 28
Occupation: Barber
Height: 6’
Tattoos: None, my mom would kill me.
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? I can play the role of all three. I am pretty versatile.
What are your three best attributes? Personable, hardworking, driven
All-time favorite movies: Bronx Tale, Sandlot, Dumb and Dumber
What’s the most embarrassing style you’ve rocked? Oh, man! I bleached my tips once. I looked like Timberlake — boy-band style.
Do you consider yourself a good cook? Yes, I like to cook Italian food.
What’s the most outrageous thing you have ever done? At 16, I flew to Mexico to surprise my boys on spring break.
If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why? Healing ability, because you can heal yourself and others forever.
Meatloaf said he would “do anything for love, but he won’t do that.” What will you not do? Use turkey meat.
He looks like a weird experiment to breed Delonte West with Kevin Love, I don't know why you would try to do that. But he has that going for him, I guess.
What does he have against turkey meat? Look, nobody would ever accuse me of loving poultry, in fact, I don't really like eating birds at all. But I can really get into some turkey breakfast sausages, and I actually prefer turkey bacon to original recipe. This guy blows.
It can't be a surprise that he likes to make Italian food, his name is Vinny, he was never going to make a killer fish taco.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: Seriously? 110%
Wells
Age: 31
Occupation: Radio DJ
Height: 6’0”
Tattoos: None
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? The party starter.
What are your three best attributes? Competitiveness, wit, honesty
All-time favorite movies: The Shawshank Redemption, Play Misty for Me, Back to the Future II
What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? A great white shark cage dive in South Africa.
Describe your idea of the ultimate date: Really good tacos, a great live band, a walk around the city, and wine and cheese on my front porch as Otis Redding plays on my turn table.
Meatloaf said he would “do anything for love, but he won’t do that.” What will you not do? Get a cat.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Syndicated, married with a couple kids
What is the best trip you have ever been on and why? Safari in Africa. Why? Cuz it was a safari in AFRICA!
What foods do you most dislike? I don’t love pizza. I know that’s weird, but it’s true.
What an improbable name. He wears the jacket of a boy 12 years younger than he actually is, I think its the buttons and patches, you know he brought that jacket from home. I hope he wears it on every date this season.. Great teeth.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: Knowing what I know about guys in radio, it's got to be 100%
Will
Age: 26
Occupation: Civil Engineer
Height: 6’2 ½”
Tattoos: Yes, a triple spiral based on a stone carving I saw in Ireland. My right side/ribs.
Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? It depends on the energy of the room. If the room feels stiff or awkward, I’ll gladly clown it up in order to give others the permission to follow. Otherwise laid back definitely describes me well.
What are your three best attributes? Ambitious, sincere, adventurous
All-time favorite movies: Dumb and Dumber, Big Fish, Good Burger
What are your three worst attributes? Competitive, argumentative, stubborn. I’m working on these!
Do you like to go out dancing? If yes, what is your preferred type of dancing? Yes, my go to move is called “Bernie-ing.” It is loosely based on the 80’s classic “Weekend at Bernie’s.”
I love it when my date…: Is able to make fun of herself.
I hate it when my date…: Talks about heavy subjects too soon.
Do you consider yourself a good cook? No, I’m clueless.
If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? Probably John Mayer because I want to melt faces with a guitar solo, then melt hearts with some sappy lyrics.
Will sounds unbearable based on his tattoo alone. He also looks kind of like a rodent. OK, so there's something else unbearable about him. Nobody's perfect!
Don't lie to me Will, you want to be John Mayer for all the sex he's probably having. Just admit, I'll respect you a lot more.
Probability he's sent a dick pic: 95%
I'm so tired, you guys. That was a lot of work, but it was worth it just to make you... smile? I dunno. My ex used to tell me that the things I wrote always ended too abruptly.
lol oops, really late on this one