You crazy for this one Ray! - True Detective Season 3 Episode 3 - Who is the truest detective?

Pee pee puddle

Pee pee puddle

Ok guys, I'm in, you got me. 

I honestly enjoyed this episode, probably because it mostly stayed away from everyone's boring personal lives, except I guess Vince Vaughn, and a little Ray Velcro.
 

 

Well, let's get to it, who is the truest detective:

 

We start more or less where we left off, Ray just got shot, turns out, not fatal. Just busted a couple of ribs, and peed himself, which is not very hard boiled (-5). He gets to have a weirdo near death seeming hallucination though, which I don't know if that is considered very detective like, so no points for that one.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, sure.

Next we have Vince Vaughn having trouble getting it up in what I initially thought was a masturbatorium, but I think it was just a fertility clinic. Impotence, while true to the show is not conducive to being a true detective. Also, he's a real asshole to his wife. Fella's, treat your woman right. (-5)

Our boy Riggins busts on to the scene with some grade-a detective paperwork.(+5).  Shout out to you man, I'm cheering for you. Every time I see Taylor Kitsch it takes me back to Friday Night Lights, and I just want him to succeed, we've been through so much together. Texas forever. There's some police banter in the squad car between MacAddams and Kitsch (+15), which I really wanted to call Tay and Ray, but I was worried it would be confusing because the show has a person named Ray. Oh well. Riggins calls out Rachel MacAddams for vaping, which I can always get behind (+15). They would have good looking kids.

Things get kinda rough in this scene, at least in terms of my enjoyment. The back and forth between Ray Velcro and VV is pretty awful, their dueling use of the word "apoplectic" is everything I hate about this kind of genre writing. Like, that nonsense should be left on the printed page because it always comes out sounding intensely stupid coming out of someone. (-20 for everyone involved). 

 

I'll see you at the animal zoo!

I'll see you at the animal zoo!

 

Back to Ray and Tay, I don't care, I'm using it. They head down to the scumbag mayor's house to squeeze some shoes and see if they can shake down some info. Good policing (+15). The mayor has a lot of pictures of himself around, he seems pretty awful. He seems even more awful when his kids come out, especially his son, who basically looks like Smouse from Angry Boys. Dude is so tanned it borders on blackface, he also has a real dirtbag paisley kimono. Their investigation then takes them to a bank where they pull a safety deposit box, which as you know is standard for a murder investigation (+5). They found some blue diamonds in there, I don't even know what that is. I assume a diamond, but blue. I'm sure this will be very important in the future.  Maybe it was in that movie Blood Diamond, I didn't see it, maybe it rules.

The first half of the episode was very light on Ray Velcro, he had a couple of scenes, like where he goes to the doctor and he gets told how awful his lifestyle is, which we all knew and is pretty standard for the genre (+5), remember to keep your cholesterol in mind as you get older. Just looking out for you.  A little later on we see Ray visiting his old man, who was also a police officer back in the day (+10), he is also a boozer, which is what we called alcoholics in the 60's, like, Dean Martin, he was a boozer, guy basically lived with a hi-ball of scotch in his hand, I don't know how he ever tied his shoes. Must have wore a lot of slip ons. Anyways, old man Velcro is what old white guys call "old school" which I learned is basically just code for racist, I learned a lot working in construction.

Probably a war criminal, probably did some boy-boy stuff back in 'nam

Probably a war criminal, probably did some boy-boy stuff back in 'nam

So we should just assume that Riggins did some gay stuff back in his army/PMC days, right? Maybe committed some atrocities? Whatever happened he doesn't want to talk about it (+5), as his interaction with his buddy from back in the day reminds us. If it turns out all Riggins and his buddy did was have a little cuddle because it was cold, then my man here is totally overreacting, he better have killed some innocent people. This episode also has him running around town questioning some working girls (+10) while pulling from a hip flask (+5), flashing a picture of the dead guy, trying to get a tip, and boy does he. I was expecting him to beat up the rent boy, he doesn't exactly have a track record of acceptance and open mindedness. They head down to the club, where all good police work happens, and where Chandler Parsons signed his contract with the Mav's. Riggins shows some restraint again by not beating up a kinda fabulous guy, no points for basic human decency.

Meanwhile in the basement things are getting real. Too real. Ya boy Vince goes mano a mano with a real thick cholo looking mofo and lays a smackdown on him. The best part of this scene, and the only reason I'm mentioning it is because Vince has his man carry around pliers, just in case he has to pull some teeth to make a point. Who does that? Man, that sucks, I like having teeth! 

That basically covers this episode, one I actually enjoyed for a change, I hope they keep their hot streak going and have a second episode I like soon.


 

WEEK THREE SCORES:

 

Ray Velcro - (-20) Overall (85)

 

Rachel MacAddams - (+35) Overall (100)

 

Tim Riggins - (+75) Overall (105)
 

Vince Vaughn - (-25) Overall (-20)