As you probably know, the CBC ain't doing so great, the loss of Hockey Night in Canada to Rogers Sportsnet is about to leave a programming void.
Luckily for the CBC, and I guess Canada, I'm here to solve all their programming problems! Here are three exciting television pitches for the CBC to consider and reject, because let's face it, I'm ahead of my time.
The Lorne Cardinal Show
Starring: Lorne Cardinal, Colm Feore, former St. Louis Cardinal Reggie Cleaveland, Carly Rae Jepson
Premise: Lorne Cardinal stars as a struggling actor and the patriarch of a family of cardinals, featuring the talents of Colm Feore as the oldest son Cardinal Richelieu, his younger brother former St Louis Cardinal player Reggie Cleaveland, and his wife an actual cardinal, like the bird, voiced by Carly Rae Jepsen, who used to be a backup singer for Ryan Adams & The Cardinals. Trust me, this is comedy gold.
Dough-NUTS!
Starring: Shawn Ashmore, Enrico Colantoni, Brett 'The Hitman' Hart, Ellen Wong
Premise: Real all star cast here. It's Cheers meets... I dunno, it's basically just Canadian Cheers in a doughnut shop. Shawn Ashmore stars as a washed up former hockey player who lost all his money in some bad investments and child support, looking for a new beginning he turns to his former teammate played by legendary star of Just Shoot Me, Enrico Colantoni who now owns his own doughnut shop. Together they deal with all the wacky customers including Brett 'the Hitman' Hart as the Norm character, probably named Norm, and Ashmore's baby mama played by Ellen Wong. Maybe this is all just a way for me to meet Ellen Wong. I dunno, the heart wants what it wants.
Live! at excelsior
Starring: Lucas Roberts, Joe Menjivar, Various
Premise: OK, so you might not know this, but Lucas and myself did a small online weekly talk show with some friends of ours like 4 years ago back in a small apartment we named Excelsior, even though there was an apartment building actually called The Excelsior like 3 blocks away. I think like 4 people watched it. That's not the point though, the point is that talk shows are cheap programming, and Canada has been devoid of one to call it's own since we all realized Mike Bullard wasn't very entertaining. Who better to host such a venture than your boys Lucas and Joe? Probably nobody, plus this is a way for me to potentially meet Ellen Wong.
I gotta go watch Scott Pilgrim vs. The World again now.